It has been some time since my last post. The last time you heard from me my husband and I were announcing our pregnancy and telling everyone about Baby Avery #4. After the shock of finding out that I was expecting another child, my family and I begun preparing for our baby boy.
When I found out I was expecting my second biological child I was hit with a lot of mixed emotions. Pregnancy has never been easy for me. I have been pregnant multiple times and only one child has been born. It has been an internal battle that I have dealt with for years. Questioning why my body didn’t work properly, feeling like I was missing something and not knowing why I wasn’t able to carry my babies. It wasn’t until I went to see a specialist and they explained to me that I have a weak cervix and that if I ever wanted to have a child on my own that I would have to take certain precautions during pregnancy.
I was so elated when I discovered I was pregnant with my First born son. The joy of experiencing child birth and becoming a mother is one of the best highlights of my life. I finally felt like I was past all my pregnancy fears. That was until recently when my world came crashing down again.
At 13 weeks I went in for a cervical cerclage procedure, I went to every appointment and I followed all of the doctors’ orders. We made it to 20 weeks and I finally felt like we were in the clear. Imagine doing everything right and that not being good enough. Imagine trying for years to get pregnant and finding out after years of trying that there’s actually a tiny heartbeat and your baby is beginning to form. Imagine seeing your belly expanding and feeling the movements of your child from within. How nostalgic that experience is.
It was early on a Sunday morning I got the scare of a lifetime. My water had broken and I was only 20 weeks and 5 days. My husband and I panicked. We made it to the hospital in record time and were told that we had experienced a Preterm Premature Rupture of the Membranes (PPROM). But even in this adversity all hope wasn’t lost. We were told that even though we had lost a lot of amniotic fluid that our baby still had a chance. I believed, I just knew things would work in my favor. I began taking antibiotics and staying hydrated with lots of fluids to stay as healthy and safe as possible to bring my baby into this world. After being hospitalized for 5 days we were told we could return home. At 20 weeks the hospitals believe that any baby born before 24 weeks are considered miscarried or still born. They hospital staff assured me that after 24 weeks if I were to deliver they would be able to save the baby. With this news and the will to fight, my husband and I went home and were determined to do all we could for our unborn son. And to be honest we really tried to do all that we could do. A week after my water broke I found myself back in the hospital doing one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
I was told that I would have to deliver my baby at only 22 weeks. I was devastated and I didn’t understand why this was happening to me, again. It took for about 15 minutes of active labor for my son to be born and only 1 minute for his heart to beat. Just like that he was gone. He was truly an Angel.
In that very moment our world was changed forever. There was a harsh reality of expectation haunting me when I returned home. How would I explain being pregnant, giving birth and not coming home with a baby? I didn’t want to relive the moment over and over again. I needed to take some time to process my emotions and even though I don’t know how long it will take to go back to normal, I am ok with excepting my “new normal” and taking each day as it comes.
On behalf of me and my family, thank you!! Some days are better than others but I am grateful we have each other.