What's the "Secret" behind your step?


Once during a live Q&A, my husband expressed he hated his step father when he was a child. It was said in a joking manor but the feelings that were being expressed were very real. I could see that my husband was speaking from his childhood and how he felt at that time. Some of his stepfather’s actions made him feel mistreated and he felt like he couldn't talk to anyone about it. Now as an adult he understands exactly why his stepfathers action were the way that they were at the time.

Whether you were the step parent or the step child tell us what's your secret behind your step parenting experience?

If you ask me, the secret behind my step is LOVE. I've dealt with a lot of different issues and situations in the beginning of my step parenting journey and I've learned that love was the answer to most of the issues at hand. Most times we expect our step children to understand and react to certain situations as if they are adults. We expect them to automatically understand the transition they're going through and act accordingly. Sometimes a child feels like something is being taken away from them when they enter into their new family. And truth be told something is being taken away,"Life as they knew it". Now the child has to learn to adjust to these NEW changes. They have to start a NEW life with someone NEW. That is not an easy thing to do as an adult, so imagine the frustration of a child. Some children feel like the new step parent is the cause of the family change or they may feel like they are betraying their bio parent if they like their step parent. Most times acting out is the childs only way of saying I'm not happy with theses changes. Children don't normally know how to express themselves in these situations. Most adults haven't even mastered it but be patient it takes time for everyone to adjust.

We as adults, we have to try our very best to dig deep to understand the child's underlining issues. Most children may think if they act up that will make things go back to what they were. And most step parents don't know how to discipline their step child when they act out.

We have to make sure we are showing the child love even in discipline. We have to allow love to push out the hate. My step daughter had a rough transition in the beginning and I had to learn to let her know that although her behavior was not acceptable, I still loved her. Even when she treated me like she wanted nothing to do with me and acted out. She would be on punishment but I still hugged her tight and kissed her and let her know I loved her and it was nothing she could do to make me stop loving her. Eventually she gave up and gave in.

Love is the only thing that can out weigh hate. I made sure I always told her I loved her and my actions showed it. This was not easy, there were time she would intentionally do things that really hurt me. I would cry alone or to my husband, get my myself together, go talk to her, hug her and tell her I loved her. We have to make sure we are not raising hurt children that will grow into hurt adults.

I encourage each parent reading this blog to try love. Try to use love to bring about a change. If you already tried everything else why not try love. Love is not a quick fix. Love takes time and patience. Love is constant. Love is understanding. Lets raise a generation of loved children. Someone once said hurt people hurt people. We really don't want to raise a generation of hurt children that will grow into hurt adults. A heart hurt will hurt people and a loved heart will spread love! ~

A negative mindset leads to negative actions and a positive mindset leads to positive actions.

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