Finding my place
Normally in blended families there is a period of time where the step parent feels unappreciated. You may feel you will never be able to truly fit in with your family or like you don't belong. I remember a period of time when I was questioning my every move like is this too much or is this not enough? Should I say that, or should I do this? I was second guessing my every move thinking I would say or do something that would offend someone or step out of my place as a stepparent.
I remember feeling like no matter what I did it wasn't going to be right. The crazy part about it was, no one had verbally said these things to me, it was my own thoughts getting in my way. I felt like I was walking on eggs shells and because I felt that way, I just knew I was going to make a mistake sooner or later. I remember speaking to my step daughter mother and saying to myself maybe I shouldn't have said that or maybe I shouldn't be having this conversation. I was always trying to figure out exactly how far was too far and how much was too much.
I was feeling like I was constantly pushing boundaries and limits to see how far I should go and the pressure was just too much, it was exhausting. I got so tired of walking on egg shells that I just didn't want to be involved anymore, period.
I finally had to step back and think, I'm the one that created these shells. I'm the one testing the waters trying to find invisible boundaries. I created these things in my head telling myself what I was allowed, and not allowed to do or say and I exhausted myself. I had to let go of trying to be the perfect step parent and just be myself and be ok with that.
Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves and we create these issues and problems by just trying too hard. It's ok to just relax and be yourself. How would you deal with that situation if you weren't afraid of being judged? How would you handle things with love and respect? If no one was watching or if no one else was involved how would you react? Sometimes we react to the situation based on a what if. I'm going to just say this because what if, or I'm going to do this because what if. No, stop doing this and take the pressure off yourself. Be yourself. Be genuine in your actions. Stop with the premeditated words and actions. Stand your ground.
It's very easy to fall into a place where you start to change everything about yourself to "keep the peace"! That's a recipe for disaster because you will lose yourself and then you will be angry with allowing yourself to get to that place. Stop trying to fit in! Your already in, so why not be that person who got you there in the first place, yourself!
A negative mindset leads to negative actions and a positive mindset leads to positive action!